Gabba Gabba Hey'd to Alan ‘TUTS’ Smith whilst driving down to Derby. We spoke about a certain grey haired, black vested singer-songwriter. We discussed how The Boys have a lot of marketing and advertising support from their fan-base. We also chatted about TV’s image (as I’m currently having to self market myself at work to keep myself actively employed and Alan actually works in marketing.) TV’s view on image is clear from the Zigzag interview (see the Explorer CD booklet.)

ZZ: What about your image.
TV: Image???
ZZ: You never put over a strong image or if you did, it was ‘nice’.
TV Err… so this is where we went wrong! I think we are up a blind alley!

Hey TV – Nice is fine for us m8!

I left Alan as I struggled to park the car and he complained that he was stuck in such heavy traffic in St Albans (on the wrong date Alan!!!) Not only was he going to miss TV in Derby, but he was also going to miss the school Bonfire Night party that he had given the gig up for. Phew! Thanks goodness Shady The Wonderdog isn’t at school yet!

The B & B was CHEAP with decent ale – sorted!

Tried to get a pint of Burton Bridge Beefy (my pre Tj nickname) but it had run out. A quick pint, sandwich and scan at the Good Beer Guide and I was on my way to find the other TV EXPLORERS in Derby. I picked the Smithfield for my first pint, as there were no pubs called TV and this one had Oakham on!!!

A daring riverside walk, with the sky exploding with a cast of a thousand fireworks. Three Oakham's on tap – a quick half of Bishop’s Farewell, White Dwarf (hmn! why does that remind me of Class of ’79?) and JHB later and it was time for Bishop Tj to say farewell.

I took another route to the Brunswick, where I had arranged to meet Class of’ ’79, and got lost. Met a bloke who guided me through street and car parks to the Brunswick. He’d just been landscape gardening in Todmorden (a small town on the Yorkshire border), and he couldn’t understand a word they said!

No Class of ’79 in the Bruny! A quick Triple Hop, skip and a jump and I was drinking with my gardener guide in the Victoria. The GREAT MAN arrived and we had a chat about the new album and the pressure I might be putting some TUTS under to travel to Cambridge for a central TUTS Earthbound 2002 Gathering. I chickened out mentioning marketing and image!

Steve and Lee from Sheffield and Leeds TV gigs 2001 arrived and we exchanged greetings and the ale flowed…

…Sometime later the TV was turned off and we made our way into the back concert room. Steve and Lee made a dash for the one remaining Useless t-shirt.

“TV off – TV on – it’s time to play” TV.

Television’s Over

“This evening I will be mostly playing firework songs.” TV

Like A Rocket

Awesome! This song is a real shooting star! “Put me in a bucket and don’t approach me!” TV. “There is only one song I can play at Tj’s 21st TV Smith gig” TV.

No Time To Be 21

“Where’s Tj? TV. I nervously edge my way to the front (yes me!) “Tj, here is a one off special ‘No Time To Be At Your 21st TV Smith Gig’ badge. I smile, looking a little embarrassed – what a GUY – this certainly is…

Not A Bad Day

Superb!

For Every Hit There’s A Miss

This new classic always reminds me of Klaus watching TV sing this at The Verge in London.

The Future Used To Be Better

Class of ’79 and Captaindfs made their introductions and they in turn introduced me to son of Class of ’79. Co7 couldn’t make the Brunswick because he had his 7-year-old son with him called Michael. Michael, nicknamed Class of 7 by yours truly, looked resplendent in his homemade TV Smith Useless jumper. Is Michael TV’s youngest fan? Class of ’79 had emailed me to let me know he couldn’t make the Bruny, but my BT line was down. As I was talking to Co7 I noticed that Steve and Lee were looking at me at grinning. I looked down to see my pint where I had left it next to the speaker. I had been drinking Co7’s beer all the time I had been talking to him. And thus began a theme for the tour!!!

Roll Like A River

This Gen Y ballad is performed as wonderfully as it was in Ipswich.

One Million Pounds

“Why do people get obsessed about things like loads of money? It doesn’t really matter?” TV.

The immortal Rich

“Runaway Train Driver” screams a fan. “I don’t normally play that yet, but why not! Do you want it with the band or just me? You’re the audience - YOU CHOOSE! “Solo,” shouts the fan.

Runaway Train Driver

“I find it peculiar that they would rather have their privates out in public” TV (referring to Jerry Springer type TV shows.)

Swimming In The Flood

GAWD I love these two new SF songs!

As Soon As I Found It I Lost It

Punk time!

Great British Mistake

“Don’t follow their way,” TV.

Wheels Out Of Gear

Oh boy! Gear is another 80’s demo! Yes! “People Don’t Know” I scream. No luck this time. TV has since told me that it’s a maximum of one old demo per gig. One will do me just fine Teev! I’d now like to introduce by band…

Your Ticket Out Of Here

Boy that was loud!
“Even though we are little people from a large planet we don’t have to put up with this…” TV

Earthbound

“When they tell us things are going well, I start to worry,” TV

Sugar Crash

“I thought these would be dead in the water by now, but they are still around,” TV

Tomahawk Cruise

“Anybody want to hear another Explorers song?” TV. Guess the reply?

Looking Down On London

“What should I do next?” TV…

A Cast Of Thousands replied.

Be different and choose diversity…

Only One Flavour

“Ignorant people try to get you to believe that you don’t have any use,” TV.

Useless

“Here’s another firework song that I wrote in the late Cheap years, way back in the ‘80’s, all those years ago – grow up Granddad!” TV

The Lion And The Lamb

“And your glamour fades so quick, Soars up like a rocket, Down like a stick,” sang TV.

Expensive Being Poor

Time to finish with that Top 18 hit single…

Gary Gilmore’s Eyes

The crowd charged to the front to buy CD’s. Yes! This is more like it. TV Smith making money – what next? I snap a pic for posterity. I took a very special photo of Class of 7 and TV. I tried to buy a purple TV tour poster, but TV wasn’t having my brass. So I sneaked a couple of quid on the top of one of TV’s CD’s when he wasn’t looking though. He! He!

I said my farewells and sprinted to The Alexander. If I didn’t make it by 11:15 I would turn into a roast chestnut!

On arrival I went into the taproom and checked my belongings…camera, wallet, TV tour poster….Erk! Where is my leg-end-ary T J Sundown Gig Review Book. I looked so devastated that the pub owners waved their doors shut rule and let me go back to the Victoria and pick up my book.

I arrived to find, to my dismay, that the venue was all locked and boarded up. I banged on the front door – no reply. I went round to the side and banged on every window and door I could find. I heard TV’s voice and banged even harder. The side door opened. “Tj what’s up?” asked a concerned TV. “It’s bad news TV – it’s the gig review book,” I replied. “Oh! No! What are we going to do?” sighed TV. We looked in every nook and cranny to no avail. We sadly parted company and tried to reassure each other that it would be okay and life would go on.

Back in the room as I got changed for bed I spotted the gig review book on my bed????

What had happened?

I could only think of three explanations:

1. Special magic from the Gig Review Book Fairy!

2. Unable to get the book in my pocket I had forced the book down the back of my pants for safe keeping. Not noticing this rather cold feeling due to panic and a large volume of alcohol.

3. TV had secretly pinched the gig review book to write down the songs he had played so that he could beat me to get the set list to Klaus. Sending a runner back with the book to my hotel whilst I was banging on the doors of the Victoria. The runner then broke into my room and left the book on my bed, in a style very familiar of the man in black from the Milk Tray chocolate ADVERTS.

YOU CHOOSE?